Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Identity in our Vices

Think back to who you were a year ago... Who was your favorite band? What was your favorite movie? What did you value as important? 

What stage of life were you in? What was your biggest struggle? What did you use to get over that struggle? 

For me, I was still under the "confines" of my parents and high school.  One year ago, I was stressing over taking SATs, choosing the right college, enjoying my final year in high school, fighting for the valedictorian/salutation spot, and discovering myself.  Back then, I stressed myself out just as I do now. A random breakdown every now and then brought me down and I was blessed to be surrounded by the same people to help me through each situation.  Thankfully, their support kept me from turning to any other substance or act to cover the stress.

So, with each progressing year of high school, I always thought my problems were worse than the year prior.  I guess this is true; each year that passes we become more cognizant of all the different things that can potentially cause us to fall.  

But, this year has been a struggle.  It's been a year of adjusting.  Who knew that leaving home and having to adjust to a whole different lifestyle in a whole different environment with a whole different set of people would be so difficult? I definitely was not aware of the change and I was taken by surprise.  Having my entire life shaken, I have really become lost in a lot of areas of my life.

I look back on my past couple of years, (yes, I spend way too much time on my Facebook timeline), and wonder where the person I used to be went.  She was smart, successful, a strong Christian, friendly, kind, happy, and what seemed to be perfect.  Why did that Lauren stay in high school and not go to college? 

I know that I haven't taken a complete downfall but it is hard for me to accept that things are not the same.  I can't seem to find the motivation to read my Bible daily or to even talk to God.  Or to even put Him first.  He's not my first thought and to me, that's scary.  

Thankfully, He has had a hand on me throughout the whole change and kept me away from things that would ultimately hurt me more than help me.  But I write this blog for others, to serve as an inspiration. Life is not easy, faith is not run by cruise control.  It causes shifts, in every part of life.  The drive is windy, bumpy, and dark.  Sometimes it seems as though the sporadic street lights of peers and other influencers have the ability to guide you to your destination entirely.  But in my own experience, those lights only last a short time.  You need the headlights that can guide your through the dark, empty places.  

This blog is dedicated to a very good friend.  The "stuff" of this earth will not fulfill you.  The void will only grow deeper and there is only one substance that can fill that hole entirely.  You can never, and will never, walk alone.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9